Saturday, August 9, 2008

Wuv, twue wuv*

I think the John Edwards Humpgate** has been on everyone's minds lately, bringing with it the feeling of insecurity about people in general. He was revered by scores as a family man, bravely and devotedly standing by his poor, ailing wife, while pursuing a seemingly straightforward political career.

Wicked bad fail.

Far be it from me to trust ANYONE who works in politics, but he flew low on my bullshit radar and was I truly surprised to hear about his affair. Mostly because I thought he was smarter, not necessary good. How could someone who had millions of eyes on him and thousands of noses in his business believe that he could get away with such a thing? This is not the 1950's, and these are not your father's reporters. They WILL find the dirt.

On a much wider level, though, it brought me back to pondering the point of devoting your life to someone who will most likely fuck you over. AKA: Marriage.

As I've aged matured, I've come to appreciate longevity in relationships. Not that I know anything about them. To be honest, it's hard to find non-fiction examples of such things.

My best friend and his wife have been married for seven years - together for twelve. They honestly enjoy and adore each other. However, he had an affair four years ago that lasted for six months. It didn't change how he felt about his wife or where their lives were headed, but it happened. How? There was no strife at home...he's honestly one of the kindest people I've ever just doesn't compute.

That's what's so damn scary to someone like me, who has a hard time turning it all over to another person in the first place.

Another long-time friend of mine has been with her husband for ten years now, and they have three children. Before their first child was born, she had an affair with an old boyfriend and spent the next year doubting her marriage because of it. Again, no love lost and no problems in the marriage.

In my mind, it's very hard to accept 'commitment' and 'vow' as tangible words when I know very few married couples have practiced them according to their definitions. I have a hard time committing to a cell phone contract and I have never seen the same hair dresser more than twice, so you might say that I'm not a steady-as-a-rock type of chick...unless it comes to what or who I love. Therefore, it may come as no surprise to some of you that I have been single for quite a while, with all of this fear tucked into my hatband.

I'm fairly certain that I won't marry again, but I don't rule it out. I'm just honestly terrified, because in order for me to commit to another person again, I will have to trust, respect, and love that person 100%. But there are two people in that equation, and one person giving 100% does not mean that the other person doesn't phone it in with 20% sometimes. The examples I gave above prove (to me, at least) that even a good person can break a bond. Even a person totally in love with their spouse can forget their vows.

So, is marriage something that can even exist as it was intended anymore? Has it become a negotiable contract instead of a beautiful testament to love and family? What do you think?

*Best. Movie. Ever.

**Copyright, bitches


Rachel said...

Yeah, that was the first thought for me, too. If these people---who seemingly have so much love and respect for each other---can go through an affair, is anyone safe?

I just don't know if we are meant to be with one person for the rest of our lives. Heck it only took me a couple of years to get complacent...can't imagine being with someone for 20 or 30 years.

The Wrath of Dawn said...

One of the biggest shocks to me after getting divorced was the number of married men who came on to me. And even more surprising, it wasn't the Joe Macho types, it was the milquetoasts... the soft spoken, seemingly modest, pillar of the community, "good" husband/dad types who seemed to think some extracurricular gettin' jiggy wit' it would be just the ticket. 'Cause they're nice guys, y'know? How bad could anything they want to do be?

I don't see me ever remarrying, but if I ever do, it will be with a huge dose of cynicism and I can't decide if that's a good or a bad thing.

Taco said...

rachel: I don't know if we're meant to, but I really want that sort of bond with someone else. Maybe.

dawn: I meant to include that in the post! So many married men have hit on me and my friends. I would assume that it happens on the other side as well, but married women don't tend to find me attractive. :-)

ImNoBetterThanU said...

I am sorry that you all have experienced what you have and have evidentially lost faith in marriage. I for one know several couples that have been faithful to one another and remain happily married after many years. One couple in particular just renewed their vows for their 50th anniversary. Some friends of mine with a much shorter venture into their marriage; yet, still happy and loyal to one another.

I hope that helps a least a little in restoring a bit of faith.

My personal perception is that many in our society want perfection and they want it now. Well first of all we all know there is not perfect partner so EVERY relationship is going to be a constant battle and hard work. If they were easy would we not become stagnant? Another thing is the lack of patience. If there is an issue in the relationship; both individuals have to take time out of their life to devote to making positive changes to address the issue.

Sorry I will stop babbling now!