I think the John Edwards Humpgate** has been on everyone's minds lately, bringing with it the feeling of insecurity about people in general. He was revered by scores as a family man, bravely and devotedly standing by his poor, ailing wife, while pursuing a seemingly straightforward political career.
Wicked bad fail.
Far be it from me to trust ANYONE who works in politics, but he flew low on my bullshit radar and was I truly surprised to hear about his affair. Mostly because I thought he was smarter, not necessary
good. How could someone who had millions of eyes on him and thousands of noses in his business believe that he could get away with such a thing? This is not the 1950's, and these are not your father's reporters. They WILL find the dirt.
On a much wider level, though, it brought me back to pondering the point of devoting your life to someone who will most likely fuck you over. AKA: Marriage.
As I've
aged matured, I've come to appreciate longevity in relationships. Not that I know anything about them. To be honest, it's hard to find non-fiction examples of such things.
My best friend and his wife have been married for seven years - together for twelve. They honestly enjoy and adore each other. However, he had an affair four years ago that lasted for six months. It didn't change how he felt about his wife or where their lives were headed, but it happened. How? There was no strife at home...he's honestly one of the kindest people I've ever known...it just doesn't compute.
That's what's so damn scary to someone like me, who has a hard time turning it all over to another person in the first place.
Another long-time friend of mine has been with her husband for ten years now, and they have three children. Before their first child was born, she had an affair with an old boyfriend and spent the next year doubting her marriage because of it. Again, no love lost and no problems in the marriage.
In my mind, it's very hard to accept 'commitment' and 'vow' as tangible words when I know very few married couples have practiced them according to their definitions. I have a hard time committing to a cell phone contract and I have never seen the same hair dresser more than twice, so you might say that I'm not a steady-as-a-rock type of chick...unless it comes to what or who I love. Therefore, it may come as no surprise to some of you that I have been single for quite a while, with all of this fear tucked into my hatband.
I'm fairly certain that I won't marry again, but I don't rule it out. I'm just honestly terrified, because in order for me to commit to another person again, I will have to trust, respect, and love that person 100%. But there are two people in that equation, and one person giving 100% does not mean that the other person doesn't phone it in with 20% sometimes. The examples I gave above prove (to me, at least) that even a good person can break a bond. Even a person totally in love with their spouse can forget their vows.
So, is marriage something that can even exist as it was intended anymore? Has it become a negotiable contract instead of a beautiful testament to love and family? What do you think?
*
Best. Movie. Ever.**Copyright, bitches