Wednesday, August 6, 2008

I'm not wearing the friggin' nose

I found out a few days ago that my co-workers and I are much closer to being "outsourced" than we initially thought. It sucks, yes, but it's also sort of exciting for a fly-by-the-seat-of-her-pants chick, like myself. I know I should be freaked out and cultivating a killer ulcer, but I can't help looking forward to a new chapter. I've spent six miserable, hellish, rotten years with my employer, and I am ready to not work there anymore.

I know, I'm not 19 anymore and I should be more responsible. Shutty.

So anyway, my work-husband and I were discussing what I would do if the inevitable happens sooner rather than later, and we were trying to decide what my talents are, via work email (take that corporate shit heads!). Hilarity ensues:

Taco: I think I'd be a very good clown. Except, without the make up and unicycling.

WH: Well duh, you don't own make up and you can't even walk a straight line, much less ride a unicycle. I think you're better suited for singing telegrams....for deaf people.

Taco: Bite me. I am EXTREMELY talented and you're just jealous. You jealous fart face, you.

WH: You should be a preschooler. You're really good at acting four. Oh, and by the way....BURN.

Taco: I know you are but what am I?

WH: I'm rubber - you're glue.

Taco: No fair...

WH: You're really good with the comebacks, too. Maybe you should be a comedy writer...or a smart ass consultant. You would excel in the field of smart assyness.

Taco: I think you should take a job as a STINKY BUTT HEAD!!

WH: See, you're a natural.

Taco: ....I'm also very good at shooting rubber bands. I almost always hit my target.

WH: That's it!!! You are the world's first Smartass Rubber Band Clown Assassin!

Taco: ....

WH: Tah dah.


Rachel said...


Why don't you apply for VCU...then we can hang out at lunch? :D And you need pretty much no skill to work there, either. If you can show up 2-3 days in a row and say your name, you've got a job.

Mahala said...

I dare you to submit a resume' to as a certified "Smartass Rubber Band Clown Assassin"

Taco said...

rachel: Eh, VCU can't pay me. That's the only reason.

mahala: I actually took you up on your challenge, but I have to post from vacation next week so the IT stalkers at my office don't figure it out. :-)